Wednesday, December 22, 2010

HEXENE 1 ON CHEMICAL TANKERS -- CAPT AJIT VADAKAYIL



HEXENE 1 shipped by Sasol Alpha Olefins is extremely sensitive to oxygen and moisture. If the Oxygen content in the ullage space ia greater than 50ppm the parcel gets contaminated due to production of peroxides and carbonyls.

If the Nitrogen pad is no good the cost of removing oxygenates and water from the parcel will be on owners account.  Use graphite rupture discs.

Bottom wall wash is done for Hexene 1 if the previous cargo is incompatible.


Properties:
CHRIS/ HEX
Colourless liquid
Mild pleasant odour
Highly flammable
Uses/ perfurmes , dies, resins, polymer modifier
USCG cargo group/ 30
Marpol category/ Y
VP/ 200 mm hg at 20C
VD/ 2.9
SG at 20C/ 0.673
BP/ 63.5C
MP/ -139.8
FP/ -26C
AH/ NIL
Water solubility/ Negligible
Visc at 20C/ 1 mPas
Vapor inhalation/ dizziness and difficulty in breathing


WWT/ depends on last cargo. Sasol wants 1 ppm chlorides and PTT to hold for 50 minutes. The tank must be to methanol standards a, clean and dry.

Normally loaded in stainless steel tanks as a shippers requirement. Consult list of acceptable prior cargoes as provided by shippers.

Sasol spec is <50ppm oxygen content in ullage space. Ship must maintain gas check log and report to operator every day. All tank openings must be gas tight to prevent escape of nitrogen.

Before loading the PV valve is pressure tested to +1900 mm Aq and checked for pressure drop.at this time check all butterworth port gaskets and tank dome gaskets for leaks using a Ultraprobe.

Purge nitrogen till the dew point is -45C or oxygen content is<50 ppm inside the tank dome prior loading.

VCS is used. All tanks must be individual and not connected together .

First foot sample is taken at pump stack drain cock bt running the pump.

Tanks are filled to 98% to reduce the oxygen in ullage space.

When blowing shore line throttle the manifold valve.

Directional Rupture discs must be installed on top of PV valve with +2000 mmAq on one end and -500 mm AQ on the other branch . This is done only on completion of loading and completion of nitrogen pad with nitrogen of 99.99% purity.  Between the PV valve and the discs there must be a bleeder cock to release gas pressure at regular intervals. Keep always one set rupture discs as spare. Be careful while handling the discs as they are brittle.

Use silicon tubes after loading if the gaskets of the tank do not have double defence.

During voyage maintain the nitrogen pressure of tank between 1000mm to 1500 mm AQ. When padding keep the outlet as far away from the inlet as possible to prevent short circuiting.

The voyage nitrogen log must be carefully maintained. Record every 4 hours the pressures , oxygen content, and weather. The padding times and quantity consumed must be included in the log.

STS operations and barge loadings are not allowed by Sasol.

Hexane 1 is not good cargo if the next cargo is wall wash as the UV test is affected. Use emulsifier and cold wash.

Peroxides can  decompose violently and form a source of ignition.—hence blanketed with N2


CAPT AJIT VADAKAYIL ( 28 YEARS IN COMMAND )
..

51 comments:

  1. sir
    could you please provide some photos of installing graphite rapture disc as no information on the same is available on the internet

    ReplyDelete
  2. hi bhoj,

    this is just a slip in graphite disc ( one way ).

    if the PV valve seat leaks ,the escaped gas remains in the space between PV and the disc.

    this space has a bleeder cock-- to release escaped gas. there is NO big science involved.

    capt ajit vadakayil
    ..

    ReplyDelete
  3. got it sir, thank you very much

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ajitji,

    Thanks for your response and advice.

    Is the Ayurvedic medicine meant for de-addiction safe or does it have any side effects? Are they completely reliable?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      Gul Banafsha is a herb that grows in Kashmir, also known as Viola Odorata (Latin).

      There will be several other herbs mixed with it.

      You must ask whoever supplies you with any de-addiction medicine a complete break up of the ingredients , so that you can verify it yourself.

      Such medicines cause an AVERSION to alcohol.

      THE PROPER WAY IS FOR YOUR HUSBAND TO GO THROUGH A REHAB PROGRAM, BY TAKING LONG LEAVE -- EVEN IF IT MEANS LOSS OF PAY.

      THREE LIVES ARE DEPENDENT ON THIS.

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
  5. Ajitji,

    Thanks for your reply.

    Do you know of any genuine rehab center in or around mumbai?

    Prachi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      every major hospital will know about this.

      OR you can choose a convenient one by punching into google search-

      " alcohol de-addiction centre mumbai "

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
    2. Ajitji,

      Please let me know ur opinion abt the following center. It requires minimum duration stay but that is not why I liked it. Its just that they treat through ayurveda and seem to be genuine.
      However the site mentions bhang as a harmful drug that needs de-addiction. I read in one of your blogs that bhang is non-addictive and it is supposed to have many health benefits.

      Swami Swasthya Kendra & De-addiction
      Services Offered: Alcoholism Treatment, Ayurveda, Detoxification, Drug Addiction Treatment
      http://herbaldeaddiction.com/treatment.php

      Delete
    3. hi prachi,

      seems to be all right.

      opium is addictive . cannabis and marijuana is not.

      you have nothing to lose. go ahead.

      while he is on the treatment course , be NICE to him and give him love , both mental and physical.

      show him that you care. no matter what happens , he remains the father of your son.

      all the best.

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
  6. Dear Ajitji,

    Thanks for replying to my query regarding Mount Kailash and Tibet.

    Personally, things have not changed drastically.
    In march my husband went on a tour to Delhi- Dehradun -Varanasi with his friend who is a photographer. I was hoping going to a holy place like Varanasi would bring about a positive transformation from within him. There was no change. He kept cribbing about the negative things in Varanasi all the time.

    Two months back he had agreed to go to a rehab center. I tried my best to convince him to go asap as he had left his job due to some issues with the management and this is the right time. Like it had happened earlier he did not keep his word. He is now doing business with his brother for an Ahmedabad based company.

    He had an accident on the 10th of may. (12.30 midnight) while he was on his way to my(parents)house. He fell from his bike and hurt his head, arms, face. He was drunk, coming from a party. He was admitted to the hospital and discharged the next day. We brought him to my parents house so that we can take care of him. (His small house was too crowded with relatives who had come to stay for 3-4 days.)
    He went home after 4 days.

    A few days back when he was at my house my mother lost it and started taking out all her anger against him. She spoke harshly and loudly to me accusing him of evrything he has done, so that he could hear her.(sometimes I think he deserves it as he is thankless and repeats the same old behaviour evrytime.)That day he called me while I was in office and started abusing me. So things are very bitter between us right now.

    We are going in circles. Every few days something like this happens and we think of divorce. Then after a few days he behaves normal and comes to my place as if nothing has happend.

    Now I do not stress myself about this as much as I used to. I have absolutely no time. My son is going to start play school next month and I would rather concentrate on him. My father has just retired and I have additional responsibility now.

    I know I cannot ignore the need to sort out issues as far as my marraige is concerned but I am hoping the right time will come. Most importantly I want to meditate regularly, which I have not been doing for the past few months.

    What do you think I should do?

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      does he hit you?

      do you have sex?

      do you stay with him in a separate house or with your mother?

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
  7. Dear Ajitji,

    Pls delete my comments later.

    We had an argument recently after his accident, before he left for his house. He did not exactly hit me, but pushed me hard roughly twice.
    When he comes home sometimes at night we do get physical.

    I don't stay with him. My son and I have been staying with my parents for the past one year. He comes over every 2-3 days and sometimes stays overnight.

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
  8. hi prachi,

    dont allow your mother to criticize him again.

    he has lost his job and he needs your moral support. it is NOT easy for a man to lose his job and be normal.

    i am married with a wife and two sons. if any of us go to the police , there comes a deep irreversible divide-- which takes time to heal.

    you may look at it this way -- your husband did something you did NOT like , you broke his arm and he went to the police.

    no son will try to break a bone in his father's body deliberately. in drunken rage it may happen, but he would NOT do this again.

    once your husband is financially OK, things will work out. meanwhile i am sure that your son loved his father and vice versa.

    fights happen in every house. i am one of the rare NUTS who did NOT have a single fight with my wife for 3 decades. i guess it is because my wife does NOT have a sharp tongue,and my wife is level headed.

    A MAN CAN TAKE A BLOW ON HIS HEAD, HE CANNOT HANDLE A SHARP TONGUE , WHICH DRIVES NAILS . LATER YOU CNA TAKE THE NAIL OUT, BUT THE HOLE REMAINS.

    dont look into the rear view mirror and drive- look ahead.

    acknowledge this and i will delete these comments.

    i am your well wisher .

    capt ajit vadakayil
    ..

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dear Ajitji,

    Thanks for replying. I honestly am grateful to you.

    I understand a wife should support her husband. I did. But he needs to support himself also. When we got married he was jobless. He had just lost his job a few days prior to our marriage. My parents and I thought its not a good enough reason to cancel the marriage as I had feelings for him. I resumed work a week after marriage. I thought I will support him in evry way. But he did not respond to my support.

    I feel he takes advantage of my patience and also my parents' patience. I still want to support him but i am unable to do so if he treats me like dirt and does not respond by keeping his word. I doubt his intentions because he has broken my trust so many times. It is no big deal for him to go back on his word.

    I cannot control my mother. This is my parents house and they are supporting me to take care of my son. She is retired but has taken up a part time job (once a week)and is hyper by nature and is harsh with me also occasionally. She says he has forced his family's responsibility on her and my father and now does he expect them to take his responsibility also? I tried to ask her to keep quiet. But I thought although rude and harsh, she is not really wrong.

    If my husband loves our son then how can he do nothing for him? And I am not talking about only financial responsibilities here.

    I agree calling the police was not the best thing to do when he broke my arm. I got angry when I was crying with shooting pain and he said "very good. now cry, cry" After that the painful and sleepless six weeks when my arm was in a plaster was the worst time of my life as i had a seven month old baby whom I had to feed with great difficulty. I was dependent on others for all my work.
    Does he realise any of this? There are many more things.

    There is this bitterness which will go if he learns the value of trust and responsibility. I just want him to be genuine and stay true to his word. Will becoming financially ok transform him? I leave it to him..... and God. I don't know what more can I do other than what I have already done.

    -Prachi




    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      i guess the whole problem is that he was jobless when you got married.

      it hurts the male ego, that he cannot be the provider. good people become bad at this time.

      i will delete all this after 24 hrs.

      all the best.

      your silver lining is your son-- look ahead.

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..





      Delete
  10. Dear Ajitji,

    Thank you so much for replying.

    I feel one of his biggest problems is alcohol addiction. He has been drinking since many years, I think he started while he was in college..

    Also he has always been dependent for everything on his mother. He has been used to being spoon-fed. Whenever his mother is unwell, apart from having to eat out, he is lost as far as personal stuff and bills are kept. His mother has always opened the door for him irrespective of what time he comes home after drinking, sometimes between 1-3 am. She is mute. I feel that is one reason why he lacks a sense of responsibility.

    Regarding my son, you are so right. When i was pregnant I was very worried about how I would manage. Now i just do my best and leave the rest to God.

    I am really thankful to you for your precious time and encouragement.
    I hope I can ask for your opinion in future also, whenever in doubt.
    Sorry for the long comments.


    In a way I am ADDICTED to your blog for the vast and diverse knowledge.

    -Prachi



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      nobody can be that drunk and come back on his motorbike. you must understand this .

      i guess he is addicted to alcohol and you must try to have him de-addicted.

      like i said before it is NOT easy for a man to be jobless at the time of his marriage.

      the past is shit in the septic tank, the future is food on the table.

      try and have moments where you and you husband can laugh together and be proud of your son together.

      having a MUTE mother , who should have shaped his childhood , is not easy.

      being a sailor I have drunk for 4 decades.

      even as i type now i am drinking foster beer. never ever been addicted though.

      i am 100% sure that your husband loves his son.

      no NOT allow your mother to come between you and your husband. it is NOT gonna make matters any better.

      he broke your arm -- i am 100% sure it was a accident. i do not know if you feel that it was deliberate.

      do you feel like divorcing him? how old are you? do you feel you can take this step?

      does your son love his father?

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..





      Delete
  11. Dear Ajitji,

    I trust your wisdom and experience more than mine. I will try and be a little more considerate even if he is rude to me. But Its difficult to trust him after he has broken my trust so many times. I have tried to froget the past and start afresh many times only to have my trust being broken again. As i said its no big deal for him to say something and not do it or do something else.

    Regarding de-addiction what do I do if he is not willing to help himself.
    He agreed to go for rehab but did not actually do it.

    i do not want divorce. i do have feelings for him. He mentions the word divorce more than I do but then after a few days says he did not mean it. Besides I don't have the time, money and inclination- lawyer fees, court fees, change of surname etc. I am almost 35 now. You are right. It won't be easy. I already have a lot of things to do.

    My parents have taken his resposibilities on themselves. They are retired now and want to live tension -free lives in peace. He creates a scene now and then inspite of doing nothing for his son. They also tell me to take a final decision now. Either here or there.

    But I want to give it some more time until something inside him brings about a positive change within him. We do have good moments together sometimes when he is fine and not overtaken by ego. We go out for dinner with my son, discuss etc. But when a fight happens I feel there will not be any more moments like this.

    I can tell my mom not to interfere but I am dependent on them for my son, especially on her. After what he has done in the past three years she cannot tolerate his presence for too long. She hates seeing him coming to her house, sitting around, sleeping, watching TV, doing time pass etc. She says he should come, meet his son and go away.

    My son definitely seems to be fond of his father. He is very comfortable with his father.

    I am just scared he does not take away my son from me(He took him this morning to his house because he has saturdays off from work. I hope he brings him back today.)

    -Prachi.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dear Ajitji,

    My husband brought him back the next day. We are fine.

    I have a question regarding my son. He is over 2 years old but has not started talking. He does not even say "Ma". I am wondering whether it has anything to do with his teeth coming late(after he turned a year old). Whatever it is I am a bit worried.

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      take you son to be BEST pediatrician near your area, for a hearing evaluation.

      do this at the earliest !!

      i reckon you should NOT pay too much importance to late teething ( 1 year ).

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
    2. Dear Ajitji,

      He does not really seem to have a hearing problem. He responds when we talk to him. At times he seems to understand what we tell him to do and does it.

      -Prachi

      Delete
    3. hi prachi,

      noted.

      still you better take him for a check up . he is your future.

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
  13. Dear Ajitji,

    I went to the pediatrician today with him. He said to give him six more months as he is likely to start talking when he starts to attend play school next month onwards and not to get anxious. Should I take another pediatrician's opinion?

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      always better to take a second opinion.

      go to a reputed pediatrician.

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
  14. Dear Ajitji,

    My husband says I have an OCD. He says he met one of my friends recently and my friend told him this. I tried contacting my friend but could not. I got in touch with my friend's sister and she confirmed, her brother met my husband.

    Since then my husband has been flooding my facebook inbox and my cell phone inbox with details related to OCD. He has joined a facebook page- https://www.facebook.com/groups/112008885544592/. He is desperately trying to prove I have OCD.

    I agree I tend to get too anxious and confused in some matters. But its definitely not to that extent. I mean I am not living in a shell and I believe in a positive outlook inspite of having gone through a tough phase.

    But do you really think I have OCD?

    Meanwhile I have already met a lawyer around 2 months back after my husband created a scene in my parents house at night, after drinking. He pushed my dad, used the F-word against him. My father got very angry. He threatened to come again the next day and repeat it. We had to lodge another police complaint against him. We met the lawyer a few days later, for divorce.

    He does apologize now and then, but goes back to his old self again.
    Recently he even sent me msgs apologizing for the past 4 years, but insists I have an OCD. He even sent me msgs saying ok for divorce and he will commit suicide or take sanyas, and to allow him to meet his son in his last few days blah blah..

    BUT HE HAS CHANGED HIS MIND AGAIN.

    I Have even read your most recent post where you ahve described OCD in detail in the comments column and also your seperate post on OCD.

    Prachi.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      you are stressed-- which is normal.

      you do NOT have OCD.

      you have a job--- if things are going from bad to worse, better take the divorce.


      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
    2. Dear Ajitji,

      Thank You!!!!

      Its going to be difficult as my husband refuses to give divorce now.
      I am doing my best. Leaving the rest to God.

      The lawyer says we will have to make some mild allegations against him. Initially I disagreed and said tht I want to stick to 100% truth. But later hesitatingly gave in.

      Prachi.

      Delete
  15. Dear Ajitji,

    I am nervous and scared. I have been getting pain on the right breast since past few months. Also right breast has visibly become bigger than the left breast. This happened while I was still breastfeeding my son. I stopped breastfeeding him when he was one and a half year old. He is 2 and a half now and I am 35 years old. Actually this breast pain problem has been with me since many years on/off.(over 10 years). I had been to the gynaec a couple of times and have got sonography/sonomammography done on their advice 3-4 times. The report was normal.
    But the reason I am nervous this time is that she has asked me to get MAMMOGRAPHY done this time, after my periods which are due, after physically checking me and saying that I do have a lump on the right side. I have read about the big risks involved with mammogrpahy and also tht it is not accurate. There can be false-positive and false-negative results. I do not want to do anything with mammography, biopsy or chemo or surgery etc etc. I have seen people suffer so much due to these things...I would prefer to go the natural way even if means not being able to cure myself. I am thinking of taking a second opinion and hoping the other doctor will ask me to get sono-mammography done instead of mammography.
    Meanwhile I have spoken to my sister about taking care of my son, jusssssst in case...... and made it clear to her tht i will not get into the web of treating myself the conventional way....Maybe its just a harmless lump... This is if I do not see any improvement in my husband. I don't know. I am trying to work out a way to start yoga again, been reading your blogs on suryanamaskar, prananyam.
    In the past yoga has helped me a lot as far as this pain is concerned. But now i hardly get the time. Also my son's speech therapy sessions have begun now. i already have more than I can handle.
    But will try my best. But there is no time at the moment for tedious procedures.
    The doctor also did sonography and told me that I have a cyst in the ovary for which she will give me medicnes for 1 month after my periods, and I also have a small kidney stone for which nothing except drinking lots of water will be fine.
    Sorry for bothering you again with my stupid personal issues....... I feel someday you might just say " ?######********* "

    TEEEE HEEEEE.......

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      more than 90% of women referred to a breast clinic do not have breast cancer-- so dont go into depression.

      breast cancer usually causes no pain in the breast and you have been having pain for 10 years.

      many women have breast swelling and tenderness in the week or two before their periods. most breast lumps are caused by hormonal changes that during the menstrual cycle when a woman gets her monthly period.--- changing estrogen and progesterone hormone levels

      pain is usually most obvious in the week before your period. it quickly goes when your period starts. it is more common in women aged 30-50.

      in most cases, a benign (non-cancerous) breast lump needs no treatment unless it is particularly large or painful.

      in some types of lump, such as a cyst or abscess, there can be fluid that may need draining. antibiotics alone cannot adequately treat an abscess.

      a lump caused by infection is fairly common in women who are breast-feeding. the ducts that carry the breast milk can become blocked. bacteria can enter through cracks in the nipple. this can lead to the development of an abscess in the breast. inflammation of the lactating breast tissue is known as mastitis.


      a lipoma is a fatty growth that develops within the fatty tissue of your breast. it is non-cancerous and usually does not need any treatment. however, they can be removed if they are large .

      a mammogram is essentially an X-ray of your breasts.. each breast is compressed between two X-ray plates. this may feel a little uncomfortable but the discomfort should only last for a few minutes. . a mammogram is estimated to be able to detect about 90% of breast cancers.

      a doctor inspects any suspicious skin changes that may be a sign of breast cancer.

      ultrasound is useful in the evaluation of breast lumps. It can distinguish between a cyst (such as a benign cyst, which is filled with fluid) and a solid lump (which may or may not be cancerous). the first step in the evaluation of a breast lump is to determine whether it is a cyst or solid mass.

      MRI is performed if results of mammography and ultrasound evaluations are not conclusive. MRI cannot detect the presence of calcium deposits, which can be identified by mammography and may be a sign of cancer.

      there only one way to be certain that a lump is not cancerous is to have a tissue sampling (biopsy)

      TAKE A SECOND OPINION.

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..


      Delete
  16. Dear Ajitji,

    Are you upset / angry with me for being selfish? I was wondering if some of the things you said in the comments column of the karva chauth post, about selfishness, were meant for me. If so, then I am sorry. So I was hesitating to post comments. But I did not realise where i went wrong.
    I still have many questions to ask and doubts to clear, if you permit....

    p.s. I went for sono-mammography and no lump was detected. So mammography was not required. The doctor said there is no lump but just condensation of fat(?) which sometimes feel like lumps.

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      i am not angry with you.

      ask me whatever you want to ask.

      A lipoma is a benign tumor of the breast composed of normal fat cells.

      Typically, a lipoma grows slowly and does not require surgical removal. Once the diagnosis of lipoma is confirmed careful observation is usually all that is required.

      Breast lipoma is a soft, smooth mass in the breast that is somewhat firm to the touch.

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..



      Delete
    2. Dear Ajitji,

      Thanks!!

      Regarding my son, who is still not talking at over 2 years 9 months, we have been going for speech therapy / occupational therapy as recomended by the pediatrician for around 4 months now. There is a little improvement as far as making other sounds is concerned. But he is still not using any meaningful words. He is a happy, mischievious child. He does not seem to have any other major issues as of now.

      In the comments column of one of your posts someone asked about kozyrev mirrors and I was curious. I did a Google search and found this-

      http://www.drneetas.com/index.php?module=index&action=kozyrev.html

      "About Dr. Neeta's Well-being Center


      The center’s purpose is to provide the highest standard of conventional, complimentary and alternative medicine nurturing intrinsic healing in the whole person, body, mind and spirit. It is our mission to serve, empower and partner with our patients and our community towards the path to wellness. Our AIM is to manage your Well-Being.

      The cener is the thoughtful combination of both traditional Homeopathic medicine and Alternative Medical Practise,also using the InformationField Medicine-A New Medical Era.
      To produce the most effective Healing & Mangemment plan for the patient. It is highly personalized and specific to the patients' needs. It also gives the patient knowledge and empowerment for their disease or symptoms. For example, in the Western medicine treatment protocol, patients with chronic pain can be prescribed pain killers, antidepressants or injections for control of their pain. With us, these modalities can be prescribed but in addition the physician can offer other proven treatments such as guided imagery, self hypnosis, acupuncture, massage, and herbal remedies that don’t have side effects like many pharmaceutical agents do. Studies have shown that combinations like these lead to quicker healing and greater patient satisfaction.

      Dr.Neeta’s Well-Being center is a multi-Alternative Medicine group specializing in over all Person’s Mangement Through Different Healing process.Dr Neeta Shah & Miss Trisha shah are certified Timewaver Practioners.Dr Neeata is also an certified Homeopathic & Alternative Medical practioner for Accupresure, Accupunture, Ozone, Sujok Reiki & many more therapies. They are available for all your well-being management & care needs.The center is accepting appointments for new patients."


      How genuine do you think they are? Will my son benefit from it? He may be too small for their advanced timewaver technology, but they also have other alternative treatments like homopathic, accupressure, herbal etc.

      -Prachi

      Delete
    3. hi prachi,

      this Dr Neeta will take your money and nothing will happen.

      I have told this to your before -- be 100% sure that your son can HEAR properly. If you are NOT very sure taken him to a pediatrician audiologist to rule out hearing problems.

      A speech pathologist will assess your child’s understanding and use of language.

      Children with chronic ear infections: If fluid in the ear persists for months at a time -- especially during the first year, when a child is starting to process language -- it can result in poor hearing, and thus delayed speech.

      "Mama" is the first word spoken by every baby.

      By the end of the third year, a child should be able to follow an instruction with two or three steps, recognize and IDENTIFY practically all common objects and pictures, and understand most of what is said to him.

      Don't become overly troubled if a young child doesn't clearly say "l," "r," and "s" sounds.

      Talk to your son throughout the day, while at home , including during bath time, and during meals. Spend a lot of time communicating with your child, encourage imitation of sounds and gestures.

      Use only ONE language which is spoken at home. Put on the TV for small kids program in the same language ( cartoons ).

      Make you son IDENTIFY colors.

      Children who can get what they want and get their point across without talking might not feel the need to use speech .Answer your son every time he speaks —this rewards him for talking.

      Ask your child lots of questions. Use gestures along with words. Play with your child one-on-one,

      Many kids with speech delays have oral-motor problems, meaning there's inefficient communication in the areas of the brain responsible for speech production. Speech and language problems are often the earliest sign of a learning disability.

      Autism is a neurologically based developmental disorder; onset occurs before the child reaches the age of 36 months. Autism is characterized by delayed and deviant language development, failure to develop the ability to relate to others and ritualistic and compulsive behaviors, including stereotyped repetitive motor activity.

      Autistic children, in general, fail to make eye contact, smile socially, respond to being hugged or use gestures to communicate -- which i am SURE is not your son's case..

      Speech language pathologists know what they are doing. When a child has trouble understanding others, it is called a receptive language disorder. When he or she has trouble sharing thoughts, ideas and feelings, it is called an expressive language disorder.

      Many children with serious speech problems have a combination of muscle function and motor programming difficulties

      If the child has a muscle function disorder (childhood dysarthria), the therapist will need to help the child develop and move the muscles for speech. If the child has a motor programming disorder (childhood apraxia of speech), the therapist will need to help the child learn the motor plans, gestures, and sequences for speech.

      It gets complicated when a child has both problems, and many children have a combination of muscle function and motor programming concerns.

      When your child says something try and record it using your mobile phone. Play it back to him smile , hug, and reward with a sweet -- so that he gets encouraged .

      Speech delay is a common childhood problem that affects more than 5% of children nowadays.

      Capt ajit vadakayil
      ..




      Delete
  17. Dear Ajitji,

    Today I need your advice and guidance most desperately and urgently.

    I am due to meet the lawyer for divorce today and pay him a big amount in fees (Money given by my sister). Everyone including my parents, sister, boss are pressurising me to rush the divorce. Actually my husband, besides harassing me and my family and forcibly taking my son away, spreading false rumours about me and my family, threatining to come to my office and make a scene, he HAD been interfering in my sister's personal life a lot probably to cover up his own faults. Her life is none of his business. Even I wanted to hurry the divorce due to all these reasons and those that i mentioned earlier. But now as it is coming close, i feel very confused again. 2 weeks back he took my son and refused to return him and did so only after the police told him firmly that the child has to stay with the mother for the first seven years. The police said they may not be able to help me again in absence of a court order.

    Since then my husband has been behaving himself but this good behaviour usually does not last for long.

    Before marriage I asked one of my friends to match the horoscopes through a jyotish. My friend initially said that the jyotish has said, there is Nadi dosh and we should not go ahead but later the same friend said that another jyotish has said that since the man is brahmin and the woman is not, there is no problem and they should go ahead with the marriage or else "ANARTH HO JAYEGA". I felt what he said was wierd but trusted my friend inspite of knowing my husband (to-be) has a drinking problem.

    I don't know whether all this makes sense but what can i say now...

    Only 13.5 gunas matched when i sent our details online, after we got married, to an astrologer whom I paid through demand draft.

    Now I want to know whether it is possible to have some sort of a puja / havan after marriage if the kundlis of husband and wife have less number of "Gunas" matching.

    I don't want to break this marriage,seperate my son from his father, especially after going through your different posts, but should I have any hope after having tried so desperately in the past to sort out issues and then failing to do so because of having my trust broken? What else can I do besides what I have already done?

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      you can get an divorce any time.

      it is NO like you are missing the bus forever.

      dont waste money on pujas.

      hold on to the payment to the lawyer.

      however if you can get him to go to a good temple along with you, go there and tell him to break a coconut in front of his deity -- SWEARING THAT HE WILL BE A GOOD HUSBAND AND A FATHER IN FUTURE.

      GIVE HIM ONE LAST CHANCE -- TELL HIM NO MORE CHANCES .

      let him know that you will marry again and more on -- and you son will be with you..

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
  18. Dear Ajitji,

    Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so much for your response. I thank you from my heart. I am sooooo grateful I cannot express.

    -Prachi
    Actually cannot hold on to the money as it belongs to my sister and she insisted that I hurry the case. I will have to return the cheque to her and she has already said she will not support in any way in future if I withdraw now.

    All the people wanting me to take divorce will throw a fit and yell at me.

    Today before leaving for office I went to Sitla Devi Temple which is close to our house, prayed and meditated there. Should I also encourage him to learn meditation. I have tried doing that in the past and he has agreed on may occasions but never did it, just like he says many things but does not do it.

    He is out of town for initiation into a new job he took up recently(!)I will try my best to take him to a temple and do as u said asap. Lets see how he reacts when I tell him I want to come back. This is a very big decision for me and I don't want history to repeat itself.

    I am sorry for bothering you so many times. Please tell me to stop when you feel you have had enough.

    Also PLEASE tell me frankly if you feel i need to work on my drawbacks. Do you really feel I am a selfish person?

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi p,

      make your husband do PRANAYAMA .

      if there is a yoga class attend it together.

      or--

      punch into google search-
      PRANAYAMA VADAKAYIL

      explain to him that your son needs both his father and mother .

      your husband needs de addiction from alcohol. it takes 21 days to break a habit.

      go for a holiday- - it could even be a pilgrimage--

      just you , your husband and your son. remember the idea is to be happy in each others company.

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
  19. Dear Ajitji,

    By "21 days to break the habit" do you mean he compulsorily has to go to a deaddiction and rehab centre for 21 days or he needs to abstain from alcohol for 21 days. Like I said, I tried multiple times to go for rehab but he did not do it inspite of agreeing to it.

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      if somebody can abstain from any vice ( includes alcohol ) for 21 days -- he can break the habit.

      make it very clear to him -- that you will divorce him, if he cannot stop drinking. he needs your help and support in de -addiction.

      as i can see he will make any sacrifice for his son.

      ..give your husband the last chance.

      make him utter those words and break that coconut in front of his GOD.

      i have been drinking for 40 years -- from the age of 17.

      right now i am having my second carlsberg beer can - - as i type .

      i am NOT addicted - i can stop for the next 1 year if i want.

      proved it again and again and again.

      never got drunk -- except once when my ships team chose me to represent india to beat the chinese ( an ex chinese weight lifting champion ) , in a drinking contest at quindao.

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
  20. Dear Ajitji,

    My family's reaction is worse than I thought what it would be.
    Probably because the lawyer has demanded half the fees even if I want to stop proceeding. We were due to file a domestic violence case in court before the divorce case, so that my husband comes under pressure to give divorce through mutual consent. Yesterday I met the lawyer and told him I do not want to proceed. So he sent my sister a msg saying that this is not done and Prachi still has to pay 25k if she wants to discontinue.

    I have arranged for the money but I am under pressure from them as they say my husband can never be trusted and he is a shameless filthy person. I spoke to my husband on the phone about wanting to come back to him but there is tremendous pressure on me from my family. He is in Kanpur and might come to mumbai by saturday.

    Have to be really strong now.....Need ur blessings.

    Regards,

    Prachi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      do NOT use this lawyer EVER again. he is only interested in his money

      do NOT pay him the 25K .

      tell the lawyer if he tries to black mail you will get him fined and jailed -- by registering a police complaint via a women's organisation..

      If you have taken any legal advise from him, pay him only for that -- and take a receipt from him.

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
  21. Dear Ajitji,
    I want to save my marriage and i am waiting to do as u said when my husband comes back from his trip. But I am afraid if he repeats wht he has been doing- harassing me and my family in various ways, my parents, sister will not spare me for stopping the divorce. But i WANT TO AND WILL take the risk. I request you to read the below msg to know why i am so anxious.

    I spoke to him on the phone last week. I told him I have gone against my family and decided to give him a last chance. I pleaded with him not to let me down this time. Initially he spoke normally but after a few minutes started avoiding the topic and abusing me and my parents /sister, calling me a prostitute!! He very often uses vulgar words and says things which have no connection to our discussion and lives. He does not get along with his younger brother's wife(joint family) and keeps abusing her also when we talk about our future. Sometimes he says he himself does not want to live in his house. Its a small house and my sis-in-law is quite dominating.
    Even in the past when I have tried to talk to him about serious issues like responsibility and trust he speaks nonsense. He will say things like, "you and ur family have forcibly kept me away from my son" , whereas it was he himself who forced me to get out of his house directly and indirectly. He says "you are torturing me and my mother" and various other senseless things.

    Around 2-3 moths back when he was repeatedly accusing me of OCD I agreed finally to go to a clinical psychologist with him. He said he himself is also going to take a psychological test mainly for his alcoholism. The test results concluded that I suffer from depression and schizoid personality disorder. And I show a fake good profile and am not in touch with reality. I asked the psychologist to explain "fake good profile". He said tht i do not outwardly show the emotions inside me. if i want to cry or am sad i try not to show it. He did not elaborate on schizoid personality disorder but the most sites on internet says such people are introverts. I do not know on wht basis such a conclusion was made. I mean i am a quiet kind of a person and have select friends whom i like to spend time although I rarely get time but i do not think I have a personality disorder. The psychologist recomended medication and counselling

    SInce then my husband has dropped OCD and started harassing me using test conclusions. He lied abt getting his test done.
    I am pasting one of his earlier messages (november) to me here-
    Harsh Vidyasagar Bharadwaj

    "Your sister is the main reason for my decision of dumping you & your parents are just a piece of a dirty shit......i pitty for that innocent man AKSHAY........ since he knows nothing about your BITCHY sister & your BASTARD PARENTS ........ who are shameless & PIG SKINNED.......i am least bothered by what BASTARD VIJAY VARMA or her family does , apart from taksheel i dont care about anyone including psycho OCD Prachi Varma."

    (Vijay Varma is my father, Akshay is my sister's friend and Taksheel is my son)
    Last night i sent him an sms abt our son's speech therapy appt today as i thought he is back as he had earlier said he will be in mumbai by 11th jan. He replied exactly "i am still in lucknow in the middle of extreme winter u moneyminded women. u r just showing u. n ur true colours"

    Do you think he is mentally unstable?

    P.s. We had to pay the lawyer as my sister insisted i do and she will re-imburse the same as she is consulting the same lawyer for something else. My sister divorced her husband a few years ago and has a 7 yr old daughter. I feel my husband has been using this fact time and again against me. I was and to some extent still concsious abt wht will people say if i also get divorced but now feel i do not want to spoil my and my son's life because of tht.

    I just wanted to let u know the above as i thought i missed these points earlier.

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      you may be suffering from depression ( with all your problems ) but you are not a schizophrenic .

      give your husband one last chance.


      TELL HIM -- ONE LAST CHANCE !

      and change your psychologist -- he is trying to milk you off your money.

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
  22. Dear Ajitji,

    I also want to add that until a few months back, he acted the same way but sometimes(although rarely) also apologised. Sometimes he used to beg me to come back and sometimes abuse me like i am his worst enemy and he asked for divorce. I told him its not ego tht is stopping me, its lack of trust on him. He might directly/indirectly force me to leave again, turning my and my son's life upside-down again.

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
  23. Dear Ajitji,

    I want to give him a last chance. But I want to understand whether he really wants to and intends to take this responsibility or does he sound as if he is just trying to "show" he wants his son back but does not want the responsibility tht comes with it and just show everyone he wants to do it. Like i said he himself is uncomfortable living in his house, forget abt supporting me and my son.

    What are his intentions? Wht is really in his heart? Is he genuine? What do you think about his messages? Sorry for pushing this but i really want to understand.

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      one thing is very clear.

      your husband loves his son.

      do NOT read too much into what an alcoholic told in rage .

      give him one last chance. just because he loves your son.

      if he screws up-- divorce him- and claim alimony.

      you have NOT missed the bus or anything.

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
  24. Dear Ajitji,

    Thank you so much for your response. i am sorry for bothering u with my personal problems on such an auspicious day. I know i must gather some courage and take decisions. I will try and by God's grace hopefully succeed.

    Happy Makar Sankranti!

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  26. Dear Ajitji,

    I tried doing whatever i could, even got him to break the coconut in the temple(he said he will be a good father and husband while doing it). Later, after a few days he was the same old person.

    He continued to harass me and my family coming to our building and creating a scene, interfering in my sister's personal life, abusing us, going to my relatives and friends and telling them that i have a mental disorder, accusing me of being responsible for the current situation, calling me late at night after drinking.

    An example - There was this incident a few months back, when he came drunk at night on his scooter and insisted on taking my son for the weekend. He said he will take my son by taxi, but i did not beleive him. he pulled my son from me and argued with me and thats whn i called the police in his presence. He got scared and put my son down. So i disconnected the phone. As I turned and was walking to my house in the building staircase, he threw his shoe at me and missed. Then he came up to me with the shoe and hit me on my head with it, while I was still holding my son. This shocked me but i went up to my house quietly.

    Many such things have happened. I have already filed four NCs against him. Now the domestic violence case is in court. Next date is in september. He has verbally agreed to divorce through mutual consent but has postponed the meeting with the lawyer for preparing the draft for terms and conditions, twice.
    Now he keeps sending me messges saying that i have a mental disorder(schizoid personality) and that is why his son his suffering and the relationship did not work. i tend to get very upset and reply to him in a similar tone although not as bad and abusive as his. I have to meet him or talk to him for matters concerning my son. he takes him to his place once a week. I do not look forward to it. also I do not think my son is taken care of there.

    I do not want to try now. I feel he uses my emotions for him against me. I get hurt. I want to concentrate on my son. I feel due to all this I have not given my son the time and attention he deserves.
    He is in nursery school now but still not talking properly. Have not been able to go for speech therapy since his school has begun. it becomes very hectic for me and for him. Doing my bit at home though. I ahve cried bitterly in front of my son at times(sometimes due to my parents also becoming unsupportive) How it must have affected him!

    Everything said and done, I feel i am stronger today than i was yesterday. My husband even tells me he has started looking for other girls for marriage. I wish him all the best.. I don't have any regrets because atleast i tried my best.

    I want to live peacefully with my son which sometimes my husband does not allow.

    Can a person's basic nature change?

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hi prachi,

      get rid of this man from your life.

      you deserve some happiness and peace .

      BE STRONG !

      capt ajit vadakayil
      ..

      Delete
  27. Dear Ajitji,

    THANKS!! Your words of support are priceless. I cannot express how grateful I am to you for your advice regarding this and also for answering my other queries.

    -Prachi

    ReplyDelete